10 years married…
10 years…
If you’ve recently gotten married and think ten years seems so far away, I can tell you it will go in a blink!
You’ll be so surprised how much you can accomplish and how much you will change as a person over the years. The magic in a marriage is finding a way to grow together as you evolve as individuals. The first step is wanting to.
I was pretty independent by the time I met my husband Peter. I had just started really diving into my career and trying to consider what I wanted my future to look like. Pete and I were introduced by a mutual friend.
What stands out to me most to me is that neither one of us were actually hoping to meet someone at the time. For me, that was a first! I was always hoping to find love, but not at that moment in my life. I was so content on my own. Pete was nothing I was looking for, but on our first date I knew he was everything I needed. It’s funny how many little things lined up for us both and we just knew this was it! It was one of the happiest times in my life, because it was so effortless. Right away it felt like we had been friends, always. I think this is key in a healthy marriage. You have to enjoy your friendship first.
Why? Because marriage isn’t always romantic. Actually, most of the time it isn’t. There is so much that comes into sharing two lives and working towards things together. Especially when you have kids and the days start to fly by!
I can see how people can grow apart if you don’t make time to work on your relationship. You have to have those tough conversations, be willing to admit your faults and work on them, lots of compromise. Most importantly you have to be able to forgive and move on. I think that’s the hardest one.
Pete and I don’t fight often. Sure, we disagree, but our biggest struggles in our marriage really had nothing to do with us. It was always outside circumstances or people that caused strife between us. As we got older we started to see that and learned how not to let anyone or anything come between us.
I highly recommend putting your partner first before family, before friends, before your job.
Spend time apart. Yes! I said it. It’s healthy to have interests and friendships apart from one another. I always encourage my husband to have his guy time, even take a trip once a year with them and get out for dinner with the guys when he can. I also expect the same in return. I need my girl time and it’s nice to have a couple days away, just with the ladies. Knowing healthy boundaries and respecting them is important. However with that comes trust. My number one is trust. I always told Pete, I know I may not love everything you share with me, but I will always respect your honesty. If you lose trust in a relationship it’s a very hard thing to get back. When you’ve been married a long time you see how the past and mistakes never outweigh the future and everything you’re working towards together. Life is too short to hold onto mistakes.
Have fun. Life goes faster than you realize. Appreciate the moment you’re in and when the tough times are ahead of you, know that it’s all part of the plan for your life. You have a partner to be by your side through it all. Make sure you never take that for granted. When you learn to simplify your marriage and not over-complicate things, it makes the days easier and you can find happiness in the little things.
Lastly…accept your partner for who they are, but always encourage them to find the best inside themselves. Pete and I have always pushed each other to be better people. I never let him settle and he has always supported all my dreams. Now that we have accomplished so much together, I have an entirely new level of love for him, just knowing what we’ve been able to do, because we have each other.
-Jess xo
